Kristen is an English Lit and French graduate from Kent University, and also a woman with excellent music taste and nuggets of wisdom hidden up her sleeve. Yes, I may be biased. But I am also completely correct. Due to COVID-19 we caught up over FaceTime, (which I was late to, because I fell into too deep a nap), rather than our usual location of a train on route a random event we found online. After a quick 30-minute update on life and asking for one another advice, we get stuck in.
University, how did the process begin for you?
This is gonna require a lot of thinking because this was 7 years ago yeah. There was a lot of pressure and expectation that you should go to Russell group Uni because of the school I went to. It was like, if you weren’t going then what were you doing with your life? So I was super stressed doing subjects I did not need to be doing, Chemistry, Maths etc...
Why did you decide you wanted to go?
It was just the done thing, there wasn’t discussion about other routes or options, everyone was going. It was the natural progression, we were all herded towards this destination, so we went with it. I think there was talk about apprenticeships, but people looked down on it, as if you’re not going to do anything of value in your life.
How long were you at Uni for?
Four years, because I did a year abroad in Paris.
Why Paris, and why study abroad?
It was part of my course. I remember second year going to a department leader saying “I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do a year abroad”. But because it was mandatory she said “you need to do this”. So, I didn’t necessarily choose Paris, there were 5 options and they just put you in one.
How did you find that year away from home? You were by yourself, plus you were studying. It’s a lot.
Yeah, oh my gosh, it was a very, very strange and difficult year. There were so many different changes happening at once. Obviously I was already living away from home, but this was completely different. I had to adapt to a different education system. I was doing 90% of my classes in French, which was crazy. I lived in an apartment with an older woman who was very, very sweet, but I was alone because I lived outside of the city in the suburbs. Whereas, other people on my course lived inside the city. So, it was always me travelling in and out alone. When I was in the apartment, I was just by myself in my room. France is so different than the UK. Going on holiday is one thing, but living your whole life there is really different and a lot harder in the sense that the way they do things is very round about and bureaucratic, paperwork for days, everything takes much longer than it should. I was also in a long-distance relationship so that was another thing that I had to manage. So many things changed at once for me, so it was difficult. I feel like I never made the most of opportunity, I only really started appreciating that I lived in Paris about a month before I left. I started going out and doing more things, wondering why I didn’t do this from the beginning and that I would have had more fun.
It’s hard enough navigating solo traveling yet alone moving your life away, did you feel lonely?
Yep, France for me was a super isolating time. But so was the beginning of Uni. I was going out and speaking to people, but it always felt like… they aren’t close friends, just people you drink with.
At your University did you have people you could reach out too if you were struggling mentally?
Yep, I would say so. We had a wellness officer in the student president body, alongside counselling and each department had a counsellor, or just someone you could go and talk to. I came back from France during one of the half terms and I went to speak to this woman because of some concerns I had. So there was help available, but sometimes people don’t feel comfortable reach for it. Other times, they don’t even realise the services are available, or depression and anxiety can be in your face but it doesn't register. Or maybe you’re in a positive place and then you get to a darker place where you feel like there’s nothing around to help you. Sometimes it looks like people are having the most fun, when really they’re experiencing the same down emotions. So you think “Oh am I weird? Am I the only one feeling this way? Why aren’t I having fun?”
Yep, University is this really odd bubble. It’s hard to see the signs, other times people question whether they’re ‘down enough’ to reach for help, ‘people are worse off than me’ kind of mentality.
Looking back at Paris, in regard to both the mental and physical space you were in. What are the things you learnt the most about living there, and do you think it’s encouraged you to live abroad again?
100%. Now that I’ve done it once I definitely want to do it again. Whether it’s France I don’t know. I learnt to be more independent and comfortable with myself and not constantly relying on people. That year taught me so much about being independent and appreciating my own company and not allowing peoples absence to stop me from doing things.
You do seem very comfortable in your own company. Whenever you see something you want to attend, whether it's to be entertained or to learn something, you go for it and I love that. Do you know where you would want to live?
Thanks man! South Africa, for a year I think. That wouldn’t be fully independent because I’d be around my family. Other than that Toronto, Amsterdam, maybe a Scandinavian country.
Yes! Go for it! Either place, I’ll be visiting. So as a woman of faith as some may say, did you connect much with it during University?
Yes, your girls Christian and that. But I didn’t bother, I went to church once that first week. Oh but I did go a I a few times in France, which is strange.
I get it though, it’s that comfort when you’re away.
Yeah for real. It’s the environment you’re in too. I didn’t have friends of any religion. Everyone’s about that going out lifestyle and then chilling on Sunday’s.
That’s the thing, even if you had a friend of a different faith, you still manage to encourage one another by just having those discussions about religion.
I encountered a lot of people who were heavily atheist or had alternative views, which made me question things. This one guy I was friends with made me question my own beliefs. Never the existence of God, throughout everything I really do believe God exists. But in first year I questioned a lot. I’d go to church with my parents when home, but I was very numb, I could go but wasn’t affected by anything. Just kinda floating through life.
I get you. I felt like still somewhat floating, but just attached to a string now. On the topic, when you were at Uni did you have a rough plan of what you wanted to do?
NO, zero clue.
So what were those first 12 months like?
I started by looking for literally any jobs. I applied for a teaching English job in Poland, so I did that for the summer.
Wow, how was that experience?
It was really fun. I stayed in this countryside area outside of Krakow, which was a really cool experience. I didn’t get paid, but they covered your board and expenses and then I got a certificate afterwards.
How long was it?
Just 3 weeks! I found it on my Uni website when I was looking for jobs. So I thought “Great something to do and put on my CV”. Then I got a job as a teaching assistant for a year on a really bad salary. I didn’t even understand money or salaries, or what constituted as a good one back then.
It can feel like you’re so desperate to get in there sometimes people just accept anything. Do you have any financial advice for students?
YES, yes yes yes. The reason I’m so passionate about this is because I’m only now learning the importance of finances at my big age. So, what I would say is, don’t be reckless with your money. Learn to understand money from the age you’re at now. Then even if it’s £5 a month, start saving. Either get a job or start a side project, it will set you up for your post Uni life much more. I’m seeing so many Uni students now on their hustle. YouTube channels, doing nails or braiding hair, it can be anything, just something you'd genuinely enjoy. Try not to get a credit card or overdraft also, don’t do that unless you genuinely need it. I’m paying mine off now. There are podcasts and videos on financial wellbeing, so it’s worth educating yourself.
Oh, do share?
My favourites are ‘Pennies to Pounds’, ‘Transformation Church - the secure the bag series’ and ‘The last 3 digits’.
It’s having that mindset, because financial wellbeing isn’t something they taught us in school.
You have to teach yourself, because no-one else is doing it. Don’t make it boring, don’t not go out and never have fun. Just start the process of putting something away and being conscious of your funds.
It’s true. When I had my first job and I was earning something like £200 a month.
Those were some good days.
You know! Somehow I still did everything I wanted to do at that age. I still looked good, my hairstyle probably wasn’t all that though. I would always try and leave like £20 in my account, I didn’t necessarily save but just practised not touching money. I mean I spent it come pay day, but I always knew there was £20 come the end of the month if I needed it. You get used to knowing what you can and can't spend.
So moving home, obviously it can be a relief, because not everyone behaves the way they should be doing in a home, in regard to hygiene especially.
Whewwww yes! That’s another story.
It can be difficult because you’ve moved out 17/18 and your return on average 21/22 let’s say. A lot happens, you grow up, you personally have even lived in another country. What was your experience like?
I always remember the summer holidays from Uni and it would be nice to come home for the first few weeks, but it was a two or three month holidays. So, when August came, I was like “I’m ready to go back now’” I wanted my own space. So, moving home was like that perpetual summer holiday. I wanna go back now but I can’t. It’s difficult adapting to life with your parents after being independent. There haven’t been any rules, so it was hard to go home. I couldn’t stay out late without a little sermon the next day. The first year was intense and there were a lot of clashes. But now I’ve realised it gets better with time, you have to allow time for you and your parents to adapt. Afterall, they’ve been in a child free home, or a ‘you’ free home for a while.
Any tips for the student or adult moving back home?
Be empathetic and remember you’re not in your own space anymore, you have to be considerate of your parents. Yes 3 or 4 years may have gone by, but you won’t be there forever. So, make the most of it, being with your family, appreciate it. Once you move out, you might be spending less time with them, you might even have your own family! Take responsibility in your home, wash up, cook, do your chores and understand that it’s temporary. This is something I’ve had to learn; it took me like two years to get this. Compromise it annoying, but I really enjoy living at home right now! Over the past year both my parents and I have grown in empathy and understanding, we’re all adults now. My relationship has really improved with my parents, it’s really good. It’s A1 right now.
Eyyy we love to see it. Plus, you’re close to your current work whilst living at home which is amazing. How content are you with what you're doing career wise?
These questions. They’re making me shake!
Everyone’s saying it’s like therapy! “Go figureeeee, you were the triggerrrr”
Honestly. But, not very satisfied, I’m trying to practise gratitude a lot more. I’m grateful that I have a job which is close to home, it’s huge blessing. But it’s not what I want to do, to put it bluntly.
What would your dream idea job right now be? I say now because it can differ at every stage of your life.
Ah very true. I’m trying to do lots of writing, but I think if I was writing all the time I wouldn’t enjoy it. I don’t know if I want that to be my job. Maybe something still in Marketing but within a creative industry like Fashion or Interiors. I want to be passionate about that brand and product. For now, marketing is interesting sector to me. Plus, I can do a bit of writing still!
You can always do freelance on the side too. Being in Marketing is great because you get insight on the world of brands. But I agree, you need to make sure you like the product because it means a lot to love the messaging you’re putting out.
Looking into the future, when you think about moving out are you swaying towards renting or saving to buy?
Okay um, so my whole idea with moving out is that when I came home, I didn’t want to share with other people, I didn’t really enjoy it. So I’d rather share with my family, than move out with strangers or even friends. I lived with 2 friends for a bit at Uni and we’re not friends anymore, it just tore the relationship apart. So that can be tricky in itself. At one point I started looking at places to rent, but now I’m starting to save to buy my own home. As fun as renting would be, I have the opportunity to save now and get my own property. I don’t know how long that will take, but that’s the plan.
Will you buy near where you live now?
I don’t know. London would be vibey but it's expensive.
Hella. Then again renting means if you want to get up and travel, or live elsewhere, it’s a bit easier with nothing attached to you. There’s really no right or wrong, just food for thought.
Right! I don't know, can you have everything? I hope you can.
I mean I’m planning to.
Girl, me too.
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